Looking back, I don’t even know how we got to this moment. It all happened so fast. My husband had been sick for about four weeks and spent almost two of those weeks hospitalized. He had just come home on Friday and was feeling better. Then came Monday morning. I woke to him coughing around 4:30 a.m. I rushed to the bathroom to see what I could do and helped him back to bed. He was having difficulty breathing and wanted his inhaler. I retrieved it for him and realized right away that it wasn’t helping. We called the paramedics because something was seriously wrong.
The fire department showed up first, but they didn’t have any equipment and couldn’t do much. We live in a small town and know these men, so it felt comforting. Next, the paramedics finally showed up, and it felt like hours before they got oxygen to him. That’s an exaggeration, of course, but you know how time feels in moments like that. He started to calm down and get some relief, so they needed him to get up and onto the gurney. In the process, he went unconscious. They rushed to get him into the ambulance while we looked on in fear. One of the firefighters finally came over to let me know that he had a pulse, but he wasn’t breathing on his own.
My son and I followed the ambulance to the hospital, and about halfway there, I noticed they had started doing compressions. That image will forever be ingrained in my mind. At that point, I knew it wasn’t going to be good.
We finally arrived at the hospital and immediately checked in. They wouldn’t give us any information. I paced the hall, praying repeatedly for God to do something—anything. I knew He was ultimately in control, and I needed Him to do something big in that moment. A nurse came out and let us know the doctor would speak with us in a few moments. That, to me, was another sign that things weren’t good.
They finally took us into a private room and told us they had done everything they could, but they couldn’t save him. How could this be? A flood of thoughts ran through my mind. We were supposed to grow old together. How do I do life without him? He was only 43. Our son is only 14. How is he supposed to go through high school and life without his dad?
That was the moment that completely changed my life…
The Empty Side of the Bed 